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This is a discussion on jokes within the Member Discussion forums, part of the Community Center category; Clever Prisoner and the prison guard A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, I have ...

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    Clever Prisoner and the prison guard

    A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some flowers in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”
    The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.”


    A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:“Dear Husband, You wouldn’t believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the entire back garden.”

    The prisoner wrote another letter back: “Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the flower.”

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    Hahahah...wow very funny.like it

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    how clever the man is and he helped his wife to keep the life going on! GReat!

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    Really very funny saying...!

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    Very interesting....

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    ahaa, lolllll. Thanks for sharing

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    Haha that was very good

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    0 to 200 in 6 seconds Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.

    She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.

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    Farts With Lumps

    The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.

    Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

    The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"

    To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants"

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    Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"

    Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."

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    Nice joke. It is very funny.

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    Supplemental Rules for Bowling

    If you holler "overs!" before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the "overs".

    When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the rule "First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game", and your team still has a chance.

    After a member of the opposing team bowls 4 strikes in a row, he/she must bowl the next 4 frames blindfolded. If he/she continues to strike, his/her shoelaces will be tied together for 2 frames.

    When you leave the 10-pin and you know you can't make the spare, but another member of your team can, invoke the "Designated Bowler" rule.

    After you have 4 splits in one game, you may say "Kings X" and take those 4 frames over. However, if you split on the 2nd time around, you accept it. After all, "Fair is Fair".

    If your ball goes in the gutter and jumps back onto the lane, knocking dow pins, by golly, you get them! That's much harder than to knock them down the conventional way. Good bowling should be recognized.

    A ball should be declared dead when you bowl 3 games without a strike. It shall be the owners privilege to decide on the disposition of said dead ball - Burial at Sea, Dropped from an airplane over a live volcano, or a simple burial in the city dump. For a small fee, a league officer can be bribed to deliver a short eulogy.

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    Nyc Jokes ... Thanks for sharing these with us.

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    True story :Boy: uncl muje 1 baloon dena.Man: 2/-rs do.B: ye lo 2/-rs.M: ye lo baloon.:D
    Send Latest Text Messages , Funny SMS to your Friends

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    Addicted to Internet Porn

    Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn

    - During foreplay, he's always double-clicking your G-spot.

    - His new computer includes a DVD-ROM drive, a 56k modem, and a tissue dispenser.

    - When she wants you to take off your pants, she says, "Scroll down."

    - Tells everyone he's a pioneer in "palm computing."

    - He's suing Playboy.com for repetitive stress injuries.

    - Her favorite actor? Tommy Lee.

    - When he sees a hot babe, he wryly says, "Boy, I'd like to click on her."

    - You look deep into his eyes and see a faint image of Asia Carrera burned into his corneas.

    - As you undress, he takes out his credit card and tells you his birthday.

    - During sex, he shouts, "Refresh! Refresh!"

    - His version of foreplay: You lie naked on the bed with a sheet covering you... he pulls it down slowly for ten minutes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ACampbell View Post
    Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"

    Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."
    LOL, Man That was amazing

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    Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.

    For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.

    For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.

    For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.

    As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.

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    There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.
    The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.
    The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman.The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.
    The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

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    Bush was in Afghanistan on a visit, talking to Osama Bin Laden.
    Osama would ask Bush questions, and when Bush gave a response
    Bin Laden didn't like, he pressed a button, and a giant boxing
    glove would hit Bush in the face.
    When Osama came to America, he and Bush were talking. When Osama
    said something Bush didn't like, he pressed a button, and
    nothing happened. Osama kept answering questions, and Bush kept
    pressing the button, but nothing happened.
    When the day was over Osama said "When we get to Afghanistan,
    i'll show you how we really do things."
    Then Bush responds with a smile on his face "What Afghanistan?"

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    A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR with his little Jack
    Russell terrier. He puts the dog on the barstool
    next to his. The bartender wanders over and the
    man says, Ill have a pot thanks, mate. The dog
    says, Ill have a margarita.
    The bartender does a double-take and looks over
    to the dog and asks, Did you just talk?
    Yep, says the dog.
    My God! says the bartender. Thats incredible.
    This is unreal. Who would have thought: a
    talking dog, here in my bar? Tell me more about
    yourself. You must have had an amazing life as a
    talking dog.
    The dog assumes an indifferent pose and speaks
    in quite a matter-of-fact manner:
    Yeah, you could say its been a big journey.
    I trained for a while with the US Marines.
    Saw a bit of action in Iraq cant tell you more.
    I joined the Bolshoi Ballet for a stint. That was
    hard work but incredibly satisfying. Ive written
    a few best-selling novels in my spare time.
    That was good fun. Of course, there have been
    film offers, TV shows. Wine, women and song.
    All that.
    The bartender is now purple with excitement.
    He turns to the man. We could make a fortune.
    We could charge people to come into this bar
    and hear your dog talk. How much would you
    charge to allow your dog to talk here?
    About $10, the man replies.
    Why only $10? Thats madness! exclaims the
    bartender.
    The man answers: Hes a liar. He hasnt done
    half those things.