Guy goes into a bar, and there's only a robot bartender. He walks up to the bar.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "Whats your IQ?"

The guy says, "168".

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says,"What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini".

Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "Whats your IQ?"

The guy says, "100."

The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "Whats your IQ?"

The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"



I got a nephew that I think a lot of and he works for Shell Oil Company.

About four years ago they moved him down to South American and I ain't seen him since.

But he still thinks about me and Ma Crabapple. Every Christmas he sends us a nice present.

This past Christmas he sent us a LIVE bird. Green bird, 'bout this tall, has a little yellow topnotch on his head with some red on it and a hooked beak - sent it to us live from South America.

I tell ya somethin' - that bird was delicious. Yes sir.

We had him for Christmas dinner. We fixed him with some dressin' and cranberry sauce, sweet pertater scuffle.

Well, after Christmas my nephew called. Wanted to know if we got the bird.

We got him. Wanted to know how we liked him.

I said, "He was delicious."

He said, "You don't mean you ATE the bird?!"

I said, "Well, of course we did."

My nephew got all upset and just pitched a fit.

He said, "I paid a FORTUNE for that bird!" He said, "That thing's worth a fortune!" He said, "That bird can speak two languages!"

I said, "Oh. Well, he shoulda said sumpthin."